The PCA Blog - Cleveland

Monthly Motivations: Pushing Through Instead of Shutting Down

by Marty Mordarski

01.27.2017

Just at the sight of the cup being pulled out of the cupboard is all it takes. In a heartbeat, my 1-year-old son’s face is instantly drenched in tears and planted flush against the kitchen floor. He waves his arms wildly in front of him to keep the cup at a safe distance, and the rest of his body follows as he collapses into a lump of kicking, screaming, crying, unhappy toddler. He doesn’t want that cup. He wants the bottle next to the cup; or maybe the other cup next to that cup. Can’t say for sure because he can’t say for sure. He can’t talk yet. He can’t express why he’s upset. The only thing that’s clear is that he isn’t getting what he wants, and as a result, his reaction is to just shut down.

Shutting down. It can be tempting, even for us adults.

We may not throw a temper tantrum and collapse on the floor, but instead of challenging ourselves to clearly articulate what we want or to work with others to figure out a solution to our problem, we shut down. We turn away. We push others away.

We avoid the harder work of trying to sort through adversity and disagreement. We’d rather give up than give in to the reality that the only way to get what we want will require more effort, sacrifice, and maybe even compromise. And even then, we still may not get what we want. So we take our proverbial ball and go home.

I know that if I continually give into my son’s tantrums, he won’t have a lot of motivation to learn how to control his emotions and communicate more clearly. In the same way, if our own default is to shut down in the face of adversity, what incentive will any of our kids have to do anything different?

That’s one of the reasons why I believe youth sports is so important.

When done right, youth sports can be like a laboratory where kids can experiment with how to face obstacles head on, how to resolve conflicts, and how to be part of something bigger than themselves. To have a common purpose and goal. To be part of a team.

Consider some of the characteristics of teams that accomplish great things.

  • Great teams aren’t composed of people who are exactly the same. Great teams are successful because they have differences – in strengths and skills – because it allows them to better adapt to a variety of challenges and opponents.
  • Great teams are accountable. They don’t play the blame game. They take ownership over their problems and help each other stay focused on what they can control to stay on track.
  • Great teams don’t give up. When things don’t go the way they want, they view it as an opportunity. Whether it’s getting through the grind of a long season, overcoming injuries and fatigue, or facing a seemingly insurmountable deficit in a game or a championship series, the great teams can show us how the very issues that challenge us or put us at odds with each other can be exactly what we need to bring us together. They don’t turn away. They don’t collapse. They don’t push each other away. They don’t shut down.

Our country and our world have their fair share of problems and disagreements, and if we want current and future generations to be able to address those challenges by committing to a shared purpose and goals that are bigger than themselves, then we need to set the right example and provide opportunities (such as through youth sports) where they can learn how to actually work together with others.

Marty Mordarski is the former Chapter Executive Director for PCA-Cleveland and has served several years as a PCA Trainer.

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