05.31.2018 Are You In Learning Mode Or Defensive Mode?
Being able to communicate with kids is a skill that all parents and coaches can always improve. Over my years of coaching and teaching here are some quick tips I’ve learned to help you communicate better with your kids, athletes, or both (for us parent-coaches!).
I have found that kneeling down or squatting puts me at eye level with my young players. That allows me to have better eye contact with all of them and keep their attention. Instead of looking up at an authority figure we are all eye to eye. This helps send a message that coaches and players are all one team with a common goal.
Kids remember what you did not what you said. If you don’t want them complaining to officials, then neither should you. If you don’t want them making excuses, neither should you. If you don’t want them to scream at people when there’s a problem, neither should you. I think you get my point. Model the behavior you expect from your players or your kids.
I recently read a study from John Wooden’s 1974-75 season that showed he most frequently spoke in 5-7 second bursts with specific, pointed instructions. You don’t need a five minute lecture to show how smart you are. The kids have already tuned you out. If it’s good enough for the Wizard of Westwood it’s good enough for the rest of us.
Small things ignored become big things. If you want your players to box out, or make eye contact, or run off the floor when substituted for, make sure you enforce those actions. Otherwise, you’re bound to face larger issues because kids know when you’re not making them accountable.
Make it a point to say a hello or have a quick conversation with each player prior to practice. That lets kids know you care about them as more than just an athlete. Use their name during the conversation. Everyone loves the sound of their own name!
The process is what drives success. Let your kids know that you are proud of their hard work even if the results aren’t what everyone hoped for. A tough loss or a bad test grade can make this one hard, but if they truly put forth great effort let them know that how future success will happen!
I’ve used this with players that get upset during a game and found it very effective in calming them down, keeping their attention, and getting them refocused on what needs to happen next. I’m not talking about grabbing their head and jerking them around. I’m talking about gently placing a hand on each side of their head to help them regain their concentration on the moment.
Try to have your talks where there is the least amount of stimulus. Face the team away from the team that is practicing on the other court. You face the stands while they look onto the court during a timeout. That’s why many college basketball teams bring stools out onto the floor away from the fans. Away from distractions.
Guess what? They are not going to get it the first time! You must repeat your most important messages over and over and over. Ask a parent whose child is very polite how long it took for them to make that happen. It takes forever and then you need to keep working at it. Basketball is no different. If you want something done the message must be constantly replayed.
Their worth as a person should not be tied to their ability as an athlete. If you are mad and upset at your child after a loss, they may believe that your love for them depends on the outcome of a game. Same goes for coaches. Kids need to know that they are valued as people first, players second.
Effective communication with our kids or players will always present us with unique challenges. I hope you find these tips helpful in improving your communication and making the sports experience better for your child.