My son is an 8th grader at a brand new middle school. Our previous school split into two middle schools. Last year's school had so many kids that making a sports team proved a great challenge and after many tear-filled cuts from football, basketball and then baseball, we waited with eager anticipation for new opportunities afforded in the new school.

This year I sat at the first football parents meeting and heard every word I hoped to hear. Talk about developing players, not being concerned with wins and losses. About developing character traits.... of course... and playing football. The kids were then supposed to sign on a paper... their name, their contact info, the position they wanted to play. My son wrote "quarterback". At the first practice, he was told to select a different position because the team already had a quarterback who had played on the team last year, (at the other school prior to the split), and my son would simply not be able to compete for this position because he did not know the plays.

We asked for a playbook and he studied the heck out of that playbook. He stayed after practice for 30-60 min several nights a week to work on pitching the ball. We are three games into a 6 game season. He has not gotten an opportunity to play QB. I understand that at a middle school level play time is not guaranteed. I fully understand the nature of competition. My children have played on multiple teams at multiple levels, rec, school, travel etc. The ironic part I haven't mentioned yet is that the preferred QB is the coach's son.

We recently won a game 30-0. My son did not take one single snap at QB. How do you not work in your second string during a 30-0 beat down of the other team?  After the first game, he said he was going to speak to the coach. He is timid and shy and has been taught to respect and not to be argumentative with adults. I asked him last night what his plan is for this season. His response was "just to wait it out, its almost over".

This kid has been passionate about football since he could walk. This coach has beaten the passion out of him. While, in my biased opinion, I think he should be the starting QB, I understand that sometimes you have to fight for that opportunity, and you might just not be good enough. In this case, I am frustrated that I feel he hasn't been afforded that opportunity. I live in a fairy tale world where the persistent motivated kid will eventually win over the coach. But when you can't even practice the position during practice, how does one prove their worth? Thank you for any advice!

Response from Steve Henderson, PCA-SF Bay Area Trainer, High School Football Coach

Thanks for the opportunity to respond to your concerns. Being a youth sports parent is tough. Especially when it feels like our child has not been given the opportunity to compete for playing time. I am a High School Football Coach, sports parent of a High School player, and a PCA Trainer.

At PCA we remind parents to provide unconditional support to your children. Help your son to remain focused on giving maximum effort, learning and improving as an athlete, and as a teammate. The aforementioned are within his control. At PCA we recommend that sports parent: 1. Respect the role of the coach 2. Find out how your child is feeling 3. Avoid criticizing the coach in front of your child. 4. Have your son speak directly to the coach.

Football, like many team sports, affords players lots of opportunities to get on the field. In addition to continuing to compete for playing time at QB encourage your son to have a brief meeting with the coach before or after practice. Perhaps he should jot down talking points so that he knows what he is going to say. It can be challenging talking to authority figures. In the meeting, he should offer to be the “Scout Team QB “. This way he can continue to develop, and show his skills at QB. Scout team quarterbacks often earn playing time by competing effectively in practice. He should also offer to play any position the team needs in order to get on the field. Players that understand quarterback often make good receivers or defensive backs. He should remain attentive at practice so that he is ready to step in when and if an opportunity at QB arises. It sounds like your son has had the chance to face adversity, and do everything in his power as a student-athlete to earn a shot to play. Your role as a sports parent is to support your son throught the process of being the best player that he can be this season. Take the focus off of the coach and your frustration over things that are out of the control of your son. Encourage your son to have fun competing with his friends.

Ultimately kids play sports to have fun and be with their friends. He may or may not play much QB this season; however, if you keep his love of the game alive he will continue to play the game that he loves with his friends next season.