I am a PCA coach and I believe in the philosophy and I am trying to make youth sports better. I have been using the concepts of ELM, ROOTS, and more. I coach 5th graders and had a very bad personal day at work when I was very rushed, did not have time to create a practice plan, and as a result, the practice was disorganized and the kids were not listening. After a while, I lost my temper and I threw a ball against the wall in anger. I have never done this before and I hope I never do this again.
How should I handle this with the team? Should I just move on and put it in the past? Should I apologize? Should I reprimand myself and run laps in front of the kids?
Response from PCA Trainer Kelly Kratz
First of all, we are all human! Kids understand that and although you threw a ball at a wall in frustration, no one was hurt and you obviously want to make sure that it doesn’t happen again. I absolutely would address this with the team. The fact that you are even asking this question shows that you care very much about your players. Being honest with your team and vulnerable enough to share your mistakes is such a great life lesson for them. Tell them about your hectic day, tell them you were not at your best when practice started. You can ask them if they ever have a bad day and have let it out on someone else. I am SURE you will get a lot of nods! Apologies are a sign of strength, not weakness.
The players need to see you recovering and learning from your mistake, and also telling them that you should have been able to control yourself (PCA "Self Control routine" plug here). This can also be a great ‘lesson’ to teach your players a Self Control Routine when they feel their temper rising. Something like taking a deep breath, drink of water, allowing other people around you to give you a trigger word like “ICE”, “Cool Down” or even a silly word like “Pineapple” to let you know that they see you getting upset and you need to calm down. I don’t think running laps is a great way to deter negative behavior even for a coach. Although they would probably think it’s really funny if you do.
Tangent warning!... [Running laps as punishment can lead to negative thoughts about conditioning and a series of negative self-talk that is really destructive as they are doing laps. Keeping players out of the play or drill or next game because of inappropriate behavior is much more effective. When the player is able to continue calmly and appropriately after apologizing they can come back in.]
I am sure that you will see your players connect with you on another level when they see you being honest about your reaction. What a great chance to institute a “check-in” before practice where players can share what level their Emotional Tank (#1-5) is at before practice!
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