Hi! This is my daughter's first year playing volleyball. My daughter's coach had 3 days of tryouts way back in June. Originally, she was told she made the team along with 18 other girls and would be a starter. Then later, they were told, after practicing for 2 months, that they could be cut. Additionally, a few girls were added to the team without trying out. There was another tryout last week and more girls were added- the team is up to 22 girls. Now, my daughter says the coach rarely puts her in and constantly gives backhanded comments to her. My daughter says she knows she's not the best player but the coach keeps putting her with the girls that just joined and whose skill level is very poor. I told her maybe the coach is putting her with those girls to help the girls improve. It's hard to stay positive when I don't agree with how the coach handled the tryouts. Also, with so many girls, I know her playing time will be limited. So my question is, do I confront the coach about the backhanded comments, too many girls on the team, and making my daughter feel less than, or do I have my daughter speak up?

PCA Response by Lead Trainer Ruben Nieves

The situation you describe is clearly not one of Positive Coaching, and it is understandable that you and your child would be frustrated. Furthermore, coaching characterized by dishonesty, "backhanded comments," and making a child "feel less than" would concern just about any parent.

The question of whether a parent should intervene with a coach, or have their child talk to the coach, is one that many youth sports parents face at least once. Unfortunately, there is no one answer that fits all situations. It is usually a tough decision.

For my response to you, I will draw from the ideas and advice of PCA Founder, Jim Thompson, and two of his books; Positive Sports Parenting and The High School Sports Parent.

Thompson lists the following reasons to intervene with your child's coach:

1. The coach is verbally or physically abusive to your child or others on the team.
2. The coach is draining the enjoyment from your child's love of sports.
3. The coach is engaging in unethical behavior.

Although there may be hints of all three in the situation you describe, it appears to me that #2 is the clearest in your case.

Thompson also tells us, "When you feel an intervention with the coach is needed, the first question to ask yourself is, "Is this something my child should do for themself?"

You have done this! And additionally, you are asking for PCA's input. This is great, especially in that you recognize that intervening yourself may not be the best course of action!

Thompson goes on to say, "Consider empowering your child to speak with the coach”. If you feel you are the appropriate person to intervene, I recommend talking with your child first, unless they are too young to understand what's going on. If your child does not want you to intervene, you need to decide whether the situation is so bad that you need to anyway. As a parent, you always have the ultimate control of any situation in which your child is at risk.

Two more considerations:

• If there is a formal feedback mechanism (such as coach evaluation forms) within the school or organization, consider giving the feedback through that process, even if it means waiting until the end of the season.
• When a youth sports situation is harmful to your child, you always have the option of taking them out of the situation and finding another one that is more likely to be a positive one.

At certain age levels, it is not unusual to have very large rosters, including as many athletes as possible. For example, I once coached a 7th-grade volleyball team with 26 players. The philosophy of the junior high school's athletic program was a no-cut policy, as long as the players attended practice and their behavior was acceptable.

It was a challenge to play all 26 in a given match and try to win, but that was made easier for me by the athletic director's directive to strive for "equal playing time" even if it reduced our chances of winning. With young athletes, it is impossible to know which ones can eventually reach the highest level of play. So it is considered wise to be as inclusive as possible at younger ages. Even in some high school sports programs, this philosophy is adopted for all the non-varsity teams! (By the way, when I was the Stanford Men's Volleyball Head Coach, we carried between 15 and 22 players on the team in any given year, in part because there was no JV or freshman squad.)

So from my perspective, the issue is not the size of the roster. The issue is coach behavior, consistency, communication, and honesty.